abbreviation

I stand in front of your door,
once again,
in the sterile hallway
burdened by the knowledge
of your disease.

I hold in my mind
the malignant meaning of your mortality;
the very thought of which rots my soul,
quickens my pulse, and sours my bowels.

Sleeping there, oblivious
to the verbal damage I will convey
of the inanimate death
cursing through your veins.

The three letters that I utter
at your bedside:
a word once a whisper in darkness
now an atomic blast articulated in loquacious detail.

I am the minion of the reaper
cloaked in white
a facsimile of a healer
for I bring disease to your heart
with my forked tongue of diagnosis.

I speak the alphabetic characters
mortal men have assigned to Beelzebub
in a Biblical attempt
to obliterate the trinity.

My visage in this moment
seared
into your hippocampal files:
a horrid image
napalmed into your myocardium
for eternity.

Please forgive me brother,
in name and spirit,
for bequeathing unto you
the scarlet letters of my generation.

memoriam

So much to say

my friend…

Of what you have taught me,

in this life,

and what I will carry beyond your days.

You will always be B-I-G, BIG,

larger then life,

my friend,

in heart, in family, and especially in friendship.

You raised two fine sons

brothers to the end.

Men now in life

and now a grand-father to be!

You garnered my respect

not because of your size,

But because every man who met you

felt in your presence a warmth and love

which you emanated.

You took a couple of skinny white boys

taught them to be better fishermen;

Skilled them with a rifle and a square-knot,

led them into the wild

by foot and by sea.

Please know

that you inspired me to be a stronger man

pushed me beyond myself

and were a model of what it meant to be a father, husband, and friend.

I will think of you always,

when I set foot on a trailhead,

when I cast my line into the depths of lakes and seas,

when I fix my gaze on a target in the distance,

and when I attempt to heal one of your brethren of war;

You will be with me.

Thank you for

being BIG,

for helping this tenderfoot, this cub,

become an Eagle,

for helping this boy

become a man, a husband,

and a healer.

God now knows your warmth.

Knows your smile and the comfort

drawn from your spoken word.

And, for this, I am thankful.

It was my honor to have known you!

To carry you on in my heart and mind,

to have learned from your wisdom and experience.

For this, I am blessed!